Skate-boarder Style May Hurt, In the Pants

Men... Men... Men. There's nothing I like seeing more than a hot male doing his thing in the tightest clothes possible. Within the skating and rocking community, the tight legged, tight butt'd, well... tight everything pant/jean has been all the rage. And who am I to complain? Well I'm Alessa the Great, and complaining is what I do best, child.

There's a reason the good lord made your "equipment" hang lower than the rest of your body. I have a very diverse understanding of the male anatomy, and it didn't take a google search or a wiki-what-have-you to realize that you're killing the future. Sure you look great in those pants, flipping your board this way and that. And far be it from me to haggle over the fact that I personally couldn't fit my arm in one of your pant legs, let alone the rest of what God gave me below the belt.

I propose that we use the comment section of this very post to help brainstorm and find a solution to hipster pant related infertility.

Nutter to Impliment New "Tuck" Rule

On March 31st of 2008, Mayor Nutter threw out the celebratory first pitch at Citizen's Bank Park in front of 44,000 Phillies fans, but not many people saw it. Their eyes were full of tears, bellies were full of laughter, and hands were waving in the air in sheer disbelief. "How could a man tuck his baseball jersey into his jeans?" asked Marsha Taylor of Marcus Hook, a Phillies Season ticket holder since 1994. At the time, it seemed like a viable question, but who's laughing now? Certainly not the likes of Bottega Veneta, Dolce & Gabbana, Emilio Pucci, and Versace.

Fast forward to the recent Milan Fashion Week Summer 2008 and the Mayor's influence can be seen everywhere. World famous designers are tucking high price, high quality fabric blouses and tops into fashion's hottest jeans. Suit coats, flannel tops, and tanks are disappearing into high-set jeans all around the globe. Experts say it won't be long before the common consumer will be able to pick up Nutter's infamous look at Target, Wal-mart and Sears.

Mayor Nutter's office had not returned our call as of this publication.