Lab Results for "Dark Spot" on Blanton's Cap Are In...

Tampa Bay Ray's Manager and local Hazelton god, Joe Maddon, asked MLB officials to confiscate Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton's baseball cap immediately after last night's Game 4 of the World Series. Blanton pitched well through 7 innings and seemed to confound the majority of the Rays' hitters. During the third inning, Maddon's brother John called Joe on his personal cell phone and exclaimed that due to his Hi-Def feed and 1080 i flat screen television, he could see a mysterious substance on Blanton's brim. The hat was bagged and sent to a third party laboratory, where technicians worked through the night to discover the molecular makeup of the spot and test it for any possible illegal substance. The results were delivered to MLB commissioner Bud Selig's hotel room this morning via Liberties Parcel. He states, "Aside from the results being revoltingly disgusting, there were no illegal substances found and I absolve both Joe Blanton and the Phillies organization of any wrong doing." A piece by piece break down of the lab results follows just below..

Daily News Dredging The Bottom Of The Barrell For Philly's Sexy Singles

The Philadelphia Daily News began their annual Sexy Singles search, but after years of searching they seem to be coming up short in their nominations for the region's most attractive and eligible singles.

Daily News section editor Karyn Peters says the city's reputation for having some of the most unattractive people in the country has finally caught up with the paper.

"We've been doing this for a couple of years now and it just seems like it gets harder and harder to find sexy singles because, well to be honest the people here are pretty fugly," said Peters.

Peters is not the only one saying the city is suffering from a hottie shortage, last year a Travel + Leisure poll found Philadelphia was home to the least attractive people in the country. Combine that with the city's former standing as the fattest city in the nation and it doesn't leave many "sexy" singles to choose from.

"I say good luck to the Daily News because I'm thinking about importing people from other cities for my clients," said Phyllis Seinfeld, owner of Phind Phorever inPhatuation a Philadelphia-based matchmaking firm. "Go outside right now and find someone who's attractive and single in this city, I dare you."

To combat the problem, Peters said the Daily News decided to lower the bar a bit for this year's competition, even opening it up to people currently in relationships.

"I guess you can say 'single' is a relative term especially when it comes to this," said Peters. "But we told people, 'if your significant other sees you in our paper don't come blaming us.'"

But some see the shortage of attractive people as a boon to them. New sexy single nominee and current Phunyun entertainment reporter Rico Savage said he thinks his nomination will finally get him some attention from the opposite sex.

"I think a lot of women see me and they're either intimidated or they think a hot guy like me must have a chick already or something," said Savage. "So this basically is just an advertisement that says, "Yo! I'm single, let's rock!"

The Daily News' list of "sexy" "singles" will continue all this week.

The Daily News Accused Of Stealing Photos Again

For the second time in less than a week, the Philadelphia Daily News is being sued for copyright infringement after allegedly using photographs without permission for their front page.

In the lawsuit, filed in Philadelphia Federal Court today, the Daily News is accused of "knowingly using a photograph hosted on The Phunyun's website without permission for use on their July 22 issue." The photograph in question ran on The Phunyun's website on July 21, the following day that same picture allegedly appeared on the front page of the Daily News.

Phunyun spokesperson Jay Geils said the news organization felt the need to file the lawsuit after seeing a similar suit filed by Brad Maule last week.

"It's pretty clear to us that the Daily News feels that they can just take anything they want whenever they want and we're saying 'no, you can't do this,'" said Geils. "I mean this isn't like the Internet where you can just steal music and whatnot. The Phunyun is not the Daily News' Limewire."

Last week Maule, founder of phillyskyline.com, filed suit against the Daily News, The Colbert Report and Family Dodge alleging they used images from his website without permission and is seeking $1.25 million in damages.

In their lawsuit The Phunyun is seeking $500 million in damages from Philadelphia Media Holding, owners of the Daily News and the Philadelphia Inquirer. Geils said the enormous amount they are seeking is due to "irreparable damage" which was done to The Phunyun.

"To be honest, this lawsuit wouldn't be happening if we were talking about the New York Times using our photo, or even the Inquirer," he said. "But the Daily News? Really? People only read that for sports and gossip. And 75 cents? Please."

Representatives for Philadelphia Media Holdings could not be reached for comment.