Lab Results for "Dark Spot" on Blanton's Cap Are In...

Tampa Bay Ray's Manager and local Hazelton god, Joe Maddon, asked MLB officials to confiscate Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton's baseball cap immediately after last night's Game 4 of the World Series. Blanton pitched well through 7 innings and seemed to confound the majority of the Rays' hitters. During the third inning, Maddon's brother John called Joe on his personal cell phone and exclaimed that due to his Hi-Def feed and 1080 i flat screen television, he could see a mysterious substance on Blanton's brim. The hat was bagged and sent to a third party laboratory, where technicians worked through the night to discover the molecular makeup of the spot and test it for any possible illegal substance. The results were delivered to MLB commissioner Bud Selig's hotel room this morning via Liberties Parcel. He states, "Aside from the results being revoltingly disgusting, there were no illegal substances found and I absolve both Joe Blanton and the Phillies organization of any wrong doing." A piece by piece break down of the lab results follows just below..

Phillies Choose Other Christopher Walken SNL Skit to Combat Rays' "More Cowbell"

One of the images and sounds that has become synonymous with the 2008 Major League Baseball playoffs has been Tampa Rays fans ringing cowbells and holding up signs reading "More Cowbell," a reference to a 2000 Saturday Night Live skit starring Christopher Walken. In an effort to combat this, the Philadelphia Phillies are asking fans to chant "wowee-wow-wow-wow" during the World Series.

John Brazer, director of publicity for the Phillies says "wowee-wow-wow-wow" gives fans who might not know the difference between a fair ball and a fair catch a reason to cheer.

"Let's be honest, by the time you're in the World Series, a lot of the people at the ballpark are just there because it's the cool place to be," said Brazer. "But as we saw in Tampa, where people clearly know and care nothing about baseball, a line from a Saturday Night Live skit can excite people who don't even know what baseball is."

The "wowee-wow-wow-wow" line comes from a recurring skit on SNL called The Continental starring Christopher Walken. Brazer says The Continental skit was chosen because of the popularity of Walken in the Cowbell skit, but also because The Continental had a longer track record.

"I mean you've got The Continental that appeared on SNL six times. Six Times!" said Brazer. "That Cowbell sketch only ran once and really it's Will Ferrell that makes that sketch funny."

As of press time it was unclear how the Phillies plan on implementing "wowee-wow-wow-wow" into the games at Citizens Bank Park, but they expect it to rank high in sports meme lure.

"It's going to rank up there with Rally Monkey for the Angels and the Tomahawk Chop for the Braves and Gino for the Celtics," said Brazer. "It'll be pretty huge."